Lighting the Flame: The Black Girl Project

Lighting the Flame is a series dedicated to recognizing the efforts of organizations that work to empower women and girls across the world. These organizations keep families and communities alive by ensuring that the flames of these women and girls are fully lit and prepared to shine as they begin to tap into the power within.

This weekend I attended a screening of a documentary entitled The Black Girl Project, a film that tells the stories of eight young black women living in Brooklyn, NY. Inspired by her prior experiences working with them and her frustration with the extremely limited perspectives of black women represented in the media, Aiesha Turman set out to produce something that would highlight the experiences of these young women.

With little film experience and even less of budget (she emphasized during the discussion that it was “zero” lol), Ms. Turman produced a piece of work that greatly contributes to the conversation about what it means to be a black girl in America. Her choice of documenting the lives of girls in Brooklyn was interesting as it drew attention to the ethnic diversity of the region as well as diversity within the black community, which is overlooked far too often. As a black girl myself, I'm hyper aware of the media’s failure to show the diverse perspectives and backgrounds of black women. We are consistently bombarded with the same portrayals that don’t reflect the vast majority of us. As one girl put it, we’re either the "bougie", successful black woman who forgot where she came from or we’re the ghetto baby-mother on the block. This film seeks to fill that void.

I appreciated how Ms. Turman started the film with some history of black woman as well as statistics on the current situation for our black girls, some of which we have seen far too many times before. She then moved into the most powerful part of the film: the interviews with the young women. The conversations flowed from girl to girl as each of them shared their perspectives on issues ranging from identity to family and from love and relationships to goals and dreams. Moments from the film that still remain vivid to me:

• The Haitian girl discussing her new-found pride in her culture after being teased growing up
• A young woman sharing how she was raped and later tried to commit suicide yet was told by her father that she didn’t really want to die because everyone knows that taking 13 Tylenol won’t kill you
• One girl stating that she began using bleaching cream at around seven years old because she hated her skin
• A young woman being called an insecure slut by her boyfriend and sharing that she can’t love herself unless she’s perfect, which she then stated is not going to happen

These are issues our young black girls are facing yet nobody seems to want to talk about. The Black Girl Project is changing that. I couldn’t agree more with what Jennifer Cooke’s review on the website states :

Initially, I would like to thank Aiesha for taking the time and pouring her effort, love and diligence into this project. I really think that a film like this can help jump start important conversations in our communities. Not only between parents and their daughters, but siblings, extended family and people who work within the community. There is an unspoken resilience that young women of color are expected to have. A theft of the wonders of youth and the beauty of innocence and that has to be resolved. These brave young women gave us insight into how much they had on their shoulders at such a young age. Thankfully they had (a) positive influence(s) which helped them negotiate feelings and challenges. I am certain that many other young women that see this will realize that they are not alone and come forth to seek their own support system and
embrace their successes.

After the film, Ms. Turman had a Q&A session with us. The documentary was an extraordinary undertaking on her part and was filmed over the course of about two and a half years. During that time, each of the young women were either just going off to college or were in the middle of their studies. She proudly announced that the majority of these young women will be graduating in May of 2011.

Not only has The Black Girl Project greatly contributed to a much needed conversation, but it has also given a voice to each of these young women and provided the support they needed for their lights to shine. Furthermore, it was extremely encouraging to hear that these women continue to pay it forward in their own ways now. To me, it doesn’t get much more powerful than that.

For more about the film, visit The Black Girl Project. Aiesha Turman's work on the film led her to start a non-profit called The Black Girl Project dedicated to "helping our young women and girls develop the skills the need to not only survive, but thrive in this new millennium". Check out the website to learn more about and support the organization.

Photo Credit: Black Girl Project's Flickr

My Story: Living With FOMO

I’ve had it since I was a child. I hated taking naps. I hated being the last to finish my lunch in the cafeteria. I hated going to bed while all of the adults stayed up late chatting in the kitchen. I just KNEW I would be missing something. What exactly, I don’t know; but it just ate me up that it could be something good.

Fast forward many years and much hasn’t changed. I take the term “opportunity cost” to a whole new level when I’m making decisions, often weighing options based on imaginary situations beyond the average person’s reasonable expectations.

I know it feels like you have all these options and when you make a decision, you lose a world of possibilities. But the reality is, until you make a decision, you have nothing at all.
- Janet Fitch

I first heard of FOMO a few months ago, while walking downtown with a fellow colleague. We were discussing our anxiety about missing out on something when she sighed and mumbled, “FOMO.”

“What?” I asked

“FOMO,” she repeats. “Fear of missing out.”

Wow. Is that what I’ve had all this time? Nobody felt it was necessary to diagnose me at any point over the last 24 years? I mean, seriously... where was the vaccine when I was 6?

After the initial shock, I figured well at least I finally know what I am working with here. But then I started to wonder if this is a good or bad character trait. Could I simply chalk it up to my A-type personality and brush my shoulders off? So, in true Nikita style I did a [qualitative] cost-benefit analysis to living with FOMO. For your reading pleasure:

Downsides to FOMO

• Experiencing anxiety or frustration about missing something that the average person would not experience (i.e. being upset that you can't be two places at one time)
  
• Inability to disconnect when on vacation, whether it’s for work or personal endeavors (i.e. regularly writing blog posts in a notebook during a three week vacation. That wasn’t me of course. Not at all.)
• Never feeling like you’re doing enough to accomplish your goals (i.e. unhealthy worrying: Did I do enough research on that topic? Am I mentoring enough teenagers?)

Benefits of FOMO

• Often being at the right place at the right time
• Consistently being prepared for opportunities (We talked about this, remember?)
• Regularly meeting new people, learning about what’s going on, and being aware of upcoming opportunities
• Winning. In life. Period. (Or so I’d like to think.)

The conclusion? Living with FOMO is possible. I promise that there’s no need for you to consult your physician or set up an appointment with your psychotherapist. Acknowledging that you are living with FOMO is the first step to healing. Recognizing that it is an integral part of who you are is step two and essential to avoiding any undue stress FOMO may cause.

Unfortunately, that’s where my advice ends. There are no FOMO self-help programs, and I’ve only discovered two steps so far. However, I am sure someone will come up with a ridiculous eBook or 12 step program to sell to you in the future.

Now enough about me, tell me about you. How is your life affected by FOMO, if at all? Is it a part of your character that you have embraced or are you working on your own 12 step program?

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How to Network in a Brand-New City

You’re fresh out of college and you’ve been plopped down in the real world (some might say against your will) in a completely new city. Many of us have been there before. It’s both exciting and intimidating at the same time, but you are very aware of the importance of building your network. At least, you’re told it’s important. But where should you start, you ask?

Check out my latest post on iGrad for a few ideas on how to build your professional network, fast.

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Lighting the Flame: Highlighting Organizations That Inspire Women and Girls to Shine

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we
are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most
frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,
fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?
-Marianne Williamson

You likely heard it in Akeelah and the Bee. You’ve probably heard it in a random speech at some point. You have possibly even read it in an email signature or two (mine, included). It’s a quote that resonates with a lot of people. For me, it serves as a powerful daily reminder of the unique strengths that we have as individuals. Strengths that often have yet to be tapped into due to fears, insecurities, circumstances or other unfortunate reasons.

Every few years my family gets together for a reunion that takes place over the course of four days. This is a very special time as many of us come from all over the world back to the island of our roots so that we can reconnect with one another. One of my favorite parts of the reunion is the the last day when everyone gathers in a large circle with a candle in hand and we pass on the flame from one person to the next until every candle is lit. The message? When we go back to our usual lives, we should not forget to keep the family spirit alive. In essence: keep it burning.

That’s exactly what these organizations I’ll be featuring do: they keep families and communities alive by bringing out the light of women and girls.

It’s no longer breaking news that women and girls around the world are facing poverty and injustice at disproportionate levels. To many people’s surprise, girls in the US - even right in your own neighborhood - deal with unspeakable horrors that you might not imagine. Sheryl WuDunn, author of the book Half the Sky, even calls it “our century’s greatest injustice”.

Nonetheless, I’m encouraged by the number of organizations out there fighting for the human and civil rights of women and girls. Lately, I’ve come across so many, each of which is doing extremely exciting things. Most importantly, they are committed to bettering lives with the goal of ensuring that the flames of these women and girls are fully lit and prepared to shine as they begin to tap into their power within.

I hope you enjoy learning about the organizations as much as I do.

Ramblings of a Classroom Deprived Twenty-Something

Like so many of my peers, I have grad school on my mind. For those of you who know me well, I've always loved being a student. Not only that, I was good at it. I thrived when placed in the classroom setting with an engaging and thought provoking professor and peers as eager to soak in new knowledge as me. And while not as equally enjoyable, I even thrived in classrooms that required a venti caramel macchiato and binoculars to see the obsolete slides on the front projector.

Needless to say, the idea of going to grad school is an exciting one for me. And while I'm not silly enough to simply enroll in a program just for the heck of it (exception to this statement: if money were to start growing on trees I would actually do just that), my eagerness to get back in the classroom as well as other influences are placing a bit of pressure on me to decide what it is I want to do.

So, to both quell this desire I have to get back into a classroom and satisfy my curiosity about what it would be like at the grad school level, last weekend I attended a Masters in Public Administration (MPA) course at American University. I went with a friend from college who has been trying to sell me on the program... even before his enrollment was official. He has been telling me to sit in on one of his classes for months now, so I took him up on his offer and attended his Facilitation and Team Building class on Sunday. This was exciting to me for two reasons: I'm strongly considering getting an MPA and I am currently involved with some of the facilitation work that my company does for our clients (and I love it).

The course takes place over three weekends with a full day of class on both Saturday and Sunday. I quickly realized that this could only work with a very engaging professor and an interesting topic, which for this weekend was team building. You know: the norming, forming, storming, performing team building. We spent 6 hours on the topic. As in 5+1=6. When I expressed my amusement with this the response my friend gave me was, "Welcome to grad school."

I couldn't help but smile. It was only a few days ago that my manager and teammate were laughing at how much I love to think all “pie in the sky”. I do love thinking conceptually. I’m an ideas girl. And in a classroom is exactly where I want to be again, sitting amongst a diverse group of my peers learning new concepts while reflecting on and sharing our individual experiences.

And for those of you who are thinking it but wouldn’t let me get to it: I am very aware of "how young I am" and "how much time I have" to going back to school. I thank you for those thoughts of encouragement and appeals to my spirit of procrastination. And to those of you who are committed to reminding twenty-somethings how “fast life passes you by”: I'm very aware of my own goals in life and the plans I have for myself so I have no intention on waiting too long either.

The grad school process isn't one that I intend to rush, but I have every intention of making progress over the next several months. That includes taking the GRE, doing some research on various programs, and maybe even applying to some programs if they are a good fit. I just know that the process has to be mine, and mine alone. I am more than confident that it will unfold appropriately as I continue to figure what I want to do and be for the next few years.

In the meantime, I'd love for you to share any wisdom and insights you might have on the general process of looking into and applying to grad school programs!

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Stop Acting Like Personal Branding Is Pointless

The common saying goes, “If you don’t brand yourself, someone else will.”

I hate to beat a dead horse, but I feel as though I must speak my piece. Don’t worry. I don’t plan on telling you the top 5 personal branding myths. I don’t plan on telling you why you should start a blog to build your brand. Neither do I plan on telling you to go read the article Fast Company wrote called, A Brand Called You. (Ok, I lied about that last part)

Recently I’ve read quite a few blogs written by folks who struggle with the idea of personal branding. Actually, that’s an understatement. These posts were written by people who think it’s a load of BS. Most of them were interesting reads that made a decent case for disliking the concept of personal branding. This post, however, made me cringe:

A person doesn’t need a brand. A person is a person whether or not
there is paperwork filed with the government. A child doesn’t create a
personality, she has one.

That’s why “personal branding” smacks of insincerity, in the gentle way
that Volvo smacks crash-test dummies during vehicle safety tests.

At this point I was halfway done, and I had already read enough to spend my day debating her poorly defended points in the comment section. Somehow, it still got worse:

Fortune‘s story later quoted organizational psychologist Lucia Erwin: “If
someone wants to use their personal brand to move up in their company, then they
need to ensure the values align.” Delete the “personal brand” jargon, and the
message is still clear: “If someone wants to move up in their company, then they
need to ensure the values align.”

This is where I realized that Ms. Holland was clearly missing the point. I couldn’t imagine how she could not see that your personal brand has everything to do with your values and that ensuring “the values align” meant ensuring that the opportunity is aligned with what you want for yourself. So I closed my browser without leaving a comment and dismissed her as just another person who likes to form opinions without really trying to understand what something is about.

I’m not spokesperson for personal branding. But I am a millennial who has watched her peers really define what it is they love and want for themselves and used that to open doors to opportunities that they might not have previously considered. It was actually only a year ago when I started reading about personal branding and thinking about what it meant for me.

Managing your brand in my mind is simply leveraging your reputation to accomplish your goals. Like the saying at the beginning of this post conveys, whether you know it or not you already have a brand. You already work hard, deliver results, communicate your passions and interests, and build relationships. Basically, everyday you do you. The only difference is that while you are doing the things you do best you are also in tune with how that affects others’ perceptions of you.

Personal branding is about understanding yourself – your passions, your likes, your dislikes, your strengths, your development areas, your goals etc. – and taking control of how you want those things to affect the journey that you are on in life.

If you are passionate about politics, I’m willing to bet that everyone around you knows of this passion whether you are aware of it or not. Your interest in the world of politics is likely reflected in the articles you read, events you attend, and the people you know. It’s also likely that even if you don’t work in a field related to politics, your coworkers know about your passion. Personal branding is about being aware of the connections people make with your name simply based on your interests, talents, network as well as your overall reputation and making that work for you.

After all, how do you know that one of your coworkers won’t send an awesome opportunity your way once he realizes it aligns with your skills and interests? Maybe then personal branding wouldn’t be so much crap.

Reflections: My Climb Up the Career Ladder

It seems like it was just yesterday that I was reveling in the fact that when people asked me what I do I could respond by saying, “Nothing!” I was a recent Howard graduate enjoying her free time and awaiting the start date of her new job. I had two months to get a reaction with this response out of as many people as possible, especially my education and career focused family members and family friends, and I intended to make the most of it.

Those were fun times, but of course after enjoying my summer free time I entered the real world and hit the ground running. And while I still often feel like I’m faking this whole adult thing, I’ve grown and learned a lot over the last two years.

Last month I received a promotion and officially climbed my first step up the career ladder. Even more recently I was told what my raise would be (once Uncle Sam has his way I’m guessing I can buy myself an extra cup of coffee every week. JK. Or am I?). All of these very adult-like things made me reflect on some of the lessons I've learned along the way. Allow me to share a few with you:

Mentors are everything.
I constantly operate under a “you don't know what you don't know” mentality. I have had so many individuals over the last year formally and informally mentor me. I have developed strong relationships with some of these individuals and have heavily depended on them through my more challenging times. Without their support, advice, understanding and sometimes tough love I would not have grown as much as I have.

The people you work with are more important than the work you are doing.
I work in a project based environment where my managers and coworkers change with every project I’m placed on. I’ve been fortunate enough to move around on projects often, and as a result I’ve had the opportunity to work with many different manager and teams. I have come to the conclusion that I’d rather do work on a less than awesome project for awesome people than work on an awesome project with far from awesome people. Hands down. Everyone isn’t blessed to have managers and coworkers who are committed to their success. Once it’s found, I believe that it should be treasured.

Bad experiences suck but can be worth gold.
There is nothing like a bad manager to teach you how to be a manager in the future. Prior to my own bad experience I had been working with really excellent managers. The type of managers who coach you, challenge you, encourage you and support you. I was told over and over by my peers that I was living the life. And then, as one of my friends put it, I was given a "reality check".

However, there are so many things that I learned through that situation that I would not have learned in the type of environment I had grown accustomed to prior. I not only spent time thinking critically about the type of manager I would like to be, but I also had the opportunity to reflect on my own areas for improvement that I had not witnessed previously. As cliché as it sounds, it was truly one of those “in hindsight it was good for me” kind of situations.

Your career is nobody else’s but your own.
This is something my company has drilled into us from day one, and it has been an interesting concept to me since then. As an individual with dreams, goals and aspirations, you are responsible for taking the steps necessary to accomplish them. While we all know that it cannot be done alone, unless you are proactive about choosing the direction you want your career to take and steer the wheel accordingly nobody can provide you with the information, resources and support you’ll need along the way. It's empowering once you realize how much you can accomplish without a passive mindset. You become more engaged with your work and excited about the opportunities that present themselves.

Those are the four most prominent lessons I’ve learned over the last two years. What other lessons have you learned as a young professional that have been instrumental to your success?

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Despite Popular Belief, Preparation Never Ever Ends

This past weekend, I spoke to the youth at my church on the importance of preparation. It was our annual back-to-school program, and we wanted to make sure we not only sent them off with supplies but also with a meaningful message or two.

The subject of my message immediately made me think of the following quote by Henry Hartman:

Success is when preparation meets opportunity.

After reflecting on it a bit, I realized that it actually negates what most of us believe it means to be prepared. I wondered: If success occurs when you are prepared to meet an opportunity that you may or may not know even exists – far less that it’s coming your way – then can you ever really “get” prepared?

Growing up my idea of being prepared for a test meant spending a few days before the exam studying. Much didn't change in college, even when it came time to preparing for a job interview. I thought it meant making sure that my shirt was pressed, that I'd done my company research and printed out my resume.

But really, that's not the case. Preparation started long before I realized. Being prepared for that test in high school also required my attendance to class and my attention in class. Preparation for that big interview required prior experiences that would demonstrate my ability to do the job as well as strong oral communication skills which I had been working on for years through my presentations in class and conversations with other professionals. Furthermore, acing the test or getting the job was only preparing me for future opportunities.

Preparation is a process that occurs long before you are even aware of an opportunity. Preparation, in my mind, is actually a never ending process resulting from continuous development, a result of constant learning. And while it is possible to take targeted actions toward specific goals, it is not those actions alone that will make you prepared to take advantage of an opportunity.

So what are you doing today to prepare for your next opportunity?

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